hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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