We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
