I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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