My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
