I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
