the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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