I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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