and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
