last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
