i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
