She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
