The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
