bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
