is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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