Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
