Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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