He uses pillows to masturbate.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
