I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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