he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
