Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
