i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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