This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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