i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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