some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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