I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
