Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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