why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds