I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.