you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?