I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
