This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
