Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
