sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
