Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
