moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
