I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
