I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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