Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
