they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
