haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
