hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
