I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
