Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Shame - the story of my life.
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