P.S. I can't hear my feet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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