Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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