It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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