she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
