Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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