i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
