What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize