So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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