I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
