Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
