Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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