Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
