a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The beer is more important than you right now.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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