So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
