So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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