it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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