It's Friday. Sex?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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