I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
