She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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