In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
