I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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