He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
