Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
