Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
