I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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