I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
