My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
