Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
