Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
