I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
