who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
