i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
