M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
