Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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