Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
