im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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