I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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