I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
