The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
